How to Agree on Sexual Frequency

Talking about sex with your partner is not always easy and once a conflict around intimacy has evolved, it might be difficult to resolve. After the steaming beginning where a couple cannot keep their hands off each other, it is common that sexual frequency declines. This often happens when the libido of one partner lessens and tension may arise because the other simply prefers to have more sexual activity than the other. Such disagreement can become a problem that filters into other areas of the relationship and the couple might begin to struggle as a whole.

It is not uncommon for couples to disagree on the frequency of how often they should have sex. Between men and women, this might be the question that arises most when it comes to sex-related arguments. In a lot of cases, men desire sex a lot more than their female partners but this should not be taken as a “normal statistic” to undermine an individual argument to resolve a dispute. The best thing a couple can do is to openly communicate about their intimate wishes and needs to find out which frequency works best for both partners.

Once a couple has a hard time finding out how many times a month sexual activity works best for them, it is important to not make sex a condition. For example, the female should not ask her partner to engage in a conversation about a topic he does not feel comfortable with in order to have sex or the man hold back in saying he cannot give his partner what is being asked for until his own needs are met. In a healthy relationship, one should always give the partner what is needed without asking to go first.

Another important aspect of finding the right frequency is not to trade favours in order to get sex. Some couples barter for sexual favours, for instance agreeing to watch a movie together or cleaning out the dishwasher in exchange for sexual favours. When living together, a couple should make sure to separate intimate life from duties such as house hold chores, child care or financial responsibility to not use such tasks as bribeor payment. The person with the higher sex drive should also not push the partner by repeatedly asking for sex whenever he or she feels desire. Instead, leave it to the partner to initiate intimacy every now and then in order to indicate interest and attraction.

If there is a specific issue why one partner suddenly seems to have lost interest in sex, the problem must always be addressed to resolve a conflict effectively. Many people find sex an uncomfortable subjectto discuss, but especially if the decline in interest is caused by a health condition such as premature ejaculation and the male partner is afraid he can’t last longer in bed, communication is needed and the issue discussed. A healthyrelationship is built on mutual respect and being able to openly communicateabout such problems will bind partners together. A lot of couples will evensay, that the less discomfort there is in communicating around sex, the smallerthe chance that tension will arise.

Apart from the obvious, leading a sexless relationship, a couple can also struggle when having different views on sexual practices, dreaming about a third party or having group sex. In these situations, it is also important to talk about such desires as some sexual activities may be closely linked to an individual’s morals and beliefs. If a moral stance is not respected and one person often challenged, this sometimes leads to the separation of a couple, as they don’t have the same idea regarding life choices and intimacy within relationships. It is therefore important to try and understand your partner’s needs and wishes in attempting to resolve this kind of conflict, while still holding your own moral position.

Despite desire differences, couples should treat eachother compassionately, attend social events together and cuddle like before inorder to take some stress out of the situation. Keep in mind that whennegotiating a compromise frequency, average doesn’t matter but a frequency bothcan live with.

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